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I believe it's really difficult for people to change without some ificant work and support. Often a lifestyle change can help, for example leaving the Air Force.
Also sounds like your mom had a really bad experience. It's sad situation to hear. But honestly, has nothing to do with your spouses behavior.
But it does affect how you react to it. The good news is that you are in control of your reactions and behavior to events.
So you are ultimately the one who determines how your mom's situation impacts your marriage. Have you and your spouse explored motivations?
For example, is it to avoid confrontation? Focus on the motivation when you deal with this behavior, not the act.
There an underlying motivation unless there's a pathological problem. Austin Texas mature women example, did you purchase the liquid vitamins and his lie was to avoid a why aren't you taking them discussion? Just my 2 cents to throw a few ideas.